Thursday, October 13, 2011

YAY Sleep!

So it's been just over a month since my last post. Which would be unacceptable, except for that it's been a really busy, and somewhat depressing, month. So it's probably better for all of us that you didn't get the play-by-play. Here's the late-night recap:
  • The poison ivy was followed by a secondary rash. The first doctor said it was an allergic reaction to my body's allergic reaction to the poison ivy. (um, what?) He sent me to a dermatologist, who diagnosed me with scabies. (um, WTF?) I really don't think it was scabies since Milo and Michael didn't have it and I was sharing a bed with them, but I did the treatment anyway, which consisted of covering every inch of my body (seriously) from the neck down with this cream stuff for 8 hours and then washing everything in my house. It was not awesome. And I had to miss the wedding of a dear friend from high school to do it, which made me really sad. I did get some SUPER antihistamine pills, which helped me sleep, which was a nice by product since I had been itching so badly I couldn't sleep. I had read online that standing under burning hot water had the same effect as scratching without the worry of breaking skin (just boiling it). So I did that a lot. At odd hours of the morning. Desperate times and all that. Anyway, two weeks later...still itchy. She called in a prescription for the strongest topical steroid ever. Guess what? Still itching. Much better...I can sleep and all I figure I better just learn to live with it. But it wasn't really what I needed just as the kids were moving in and life was getting more hectic.
  • The kids moved in. Life got more hectic. We have 28 girls this year, and they are actually mostly pretty wonderful. But that doesn't mean it wasn't hellish getting them moved in and adjusted and having two hour dorm meetings to go over all the rules, and then a whole weekend of keeping them (and thus, us) busy so they wouldn't get homesick. Whenever we're on duty, the phone and doorbell are constantly ringing. Especially if I try to pee. Nursing Milo is a real feat. At least, nursing him without flashing the visiting boy from another dorm is a real feat.
  • At the same time, I was faced with a whole bunch of terribly unrealistic deadlines for design projects at work. The kind that aren't even useful if not finished on time. Except all my nanny hours were taken up with meetings, so I spent most of my time with Milo trying to get him to be quiet or sleep or entertain himself so I could catch up on work. Which isn't exactly how I wanted to spend my time at home with him. Pretty much I felt like a total failure as an employee and as a mom. Which was also not awesome.
  • Then, I got my first paycheck. And realized that after I pay the nanny, I make about $125 a week. For those of you weak at math, that's a whole $6500 a year. Which is pretty depressing. I'd happily PAY someone that just so my life didn't feel like this. Which led me to it really worth it? Working? I had a baby because I want to raise children, not hire someone else to do it. And if I'm not making any money but killing myself to fit 26 hours into every day...what's the point? I mean, I love my work. Mostly. But I love my son more. And I miss my sanity. And sleep.
  • So then, while I'm wondering if it's all worth it...along comes an opportunity to apply for a director level job in college counseling. And I love college counseling. Especially at our school, which is not completely obsessed with the H-Y-P holy trinity of college admissions. But it's MORE than a full time job, and I was just wondering if I really want to be missing even this much Peanut time. I didn't suspect I'd feel this way, to be honest, as I love work. But it's harder than I thought to juggle everything without dropping any of the balls...and if I got this job, it would be even harder to have good boundaries. And we all know I'm not good at that anyway.
So, you're mostly caught up on the big stuff now. Lots of little things, but it's probably better we stay big-picture for now. I'm re-committing to this whole blogging thing, because it helps me get stuff out of my head and thus helps me stay sane.

So I've been "sleep training" Milo. Michael didn't want any part of the whole "cry it out" thing, so while he was in Vegas for three nights, I geared up to try and get Peanut on a better sleep schedule and help him start falling asleep by himself since up until then it took 30 minutes of bouncing or laying down with him or nursing him to get him to really sleep. So I steeled myself for hours of shrieking and armed myself with some reading ahead of time and gave it a shot.

Um, he didn't really cry though. He fussed for about five minutes. Then he talked to himself for a few minutes. Whimpered a bit. And went to sleep. What? 

It's true. It's been a week now, and it's worked every night. He doesn't always STAY asleep, but putting him to sleep is actually kind of cute and cozy. One night, I was on the bed next to him singing him Billy Joel's "Goodnight, my Angel" lullabye and he was laying in his bassinet, holding my hand through the rails. AWWWWW. How cute is he?

To be honest, I kind of missed cuddling with him in the bed while Michael was away and we were "sleep training." He's kind of getting to the point where when he wakes up he can soothe himself back to sleep. But the last couple of nights, he's been waking up nearly every hour for the first half of the night and I'm not really sure what that's about.

Alright, lots more to tell you but I'm falling asleep sitting up. And I need to go pump so that tomorrow night I can sleep ALL night for the first time since Milo was born and Michael can do ALL the feedings. YAY SLEEP!