I am going to run over their feet with the stroller. Even if I have to go waaaay out of my way to do it.

Well. Last night was pretty torturous. For one thing, I couldn't fall asleep even though I felt bone tired. I think I fell asleep sometime after 2:00 am. At 3:00, the baby woke up, making hungry sucking and whimpering noises. But yesterday when we were at the pediatrician, I had asked the doctor for tips to get Milo to take a bottle, and she was seriously unconcerned, saying that there really weren't tips that she could offer that would work...when Milo gets hungry enough, he will take it. She also said no baby has ever willingly starved themself. Which is basically what I've been saying all along. So Michael and I had talked about soothing Milo back to sleep the first time he woke and trying a bottle the next time, when he was really hungry.

So at 3:00, I placed my warm hand on his chest and tummy, with a little weight, and I giraffed his ass.

(Michael has coined this phrase for when we use our trusty sleep giraffe on the white noise setting to calm Milo or lull him to sleep. As a side note, it actually isn't very effective to place the giraffe near baby's ass, as it needs to be quite loud to work. Putting the giraffe's ass near the baby's head works quite a lot better. But it's so much fun to turn nouns into verbs with phrases like "I'm gonna GIRAFFE your ass, little buddy.")

It worked, and he fell back asleep until 5:30, at which point, I woke Michael up and told him it was time for Milo's bottle. To which he mumbled something incoherent. I think he said he wanted to wait and see if the baby was serious or just fussing.

The baby was serious, as it turned out. So Michael went to warm the bottle. During that time, Milo got ravenous and was crying hard, which broke my heart since I was trying NOT to be the one to comfort him since I have read he can smell me and my milk which would not bode well for the bottle feeding. But it's kind of hard not to comfort your crying infant when they can see you a foot away from them. sigh.

I have to say that Michael has one parenting skill that I do not: seemingly endless patience. Even when he's really tired and really doesn't want to be awake and gearing up for another bottle fight, Michael is patient, chatting Milo up with calm, kind, sweet mutterings.  I wish I could be like that. Mostly I am silent. On that one occasion, I told Milo he was annoying. I'm going to have to work on this. After Michael came and grabbed peanut, the crying stopped, so I snuck out to the living room to see what was going on. It looked like Milo was eating! YAY! I snuck back to bed. About 20 minutes later, Michael came in with a sleepy, whiny peanut saying that Milo hadn't really eaten anything after all. Dammit.

Michael then attempted continued bottle feeding in the bed for the next 20 minutes. Right next to me. Where Milo could smell me and my leaking milk and I could see the pleading look in his eyes while his crying broke my heart a little bit. I wanted to hold firm, since I'd rather do this just once until he takes the bottle and gets used to it than continue this every night.  Michael seemed frustrated--at me. Eventually, I couldn't take it and offered to nurse the baby but Michael said it didn't make a difference at that point since there wasn't time to go back to bed.  I took the baby anyway and spent 45 minutes coaxing him to take one measly ounce from the bottle. He did. He took just enough to let him fall back asleep and not a drop more.

Willful little fucker we have on our hands.

Michael left for work tired. All three of us were in a bad mood, and Milo and I went back to sleep for a bit since I had had only three hours of sleep. But we couldn't sleep long since we had plans to meet one of the ladies from the moms group at the movies. And I had to pump, since I was all bursting at the seams. I got 4 ounces from each side and still had enough left to feed him. sheesh.

Of course we were late to the movies, but I found our friend (whose son was born on the same day as Milo) who had saved us seats. We saw the Change Up which had more bathroom humor than I like but was still very funny and entertaining, especially as it related to parenting babies and all the hassle, sleep deprivation, and joy that comes with. It was a baby-friendly showing, so the volume was lower and there was a changing table set up in the theater so you didn't have to miss the movie. Which was a really good thing, since soon after getting there, Milo needed a diaper change. And then, five minutes after getting back to our seats, he did it AGAIN. Sheesh. Only one diaper left in the bag--very risky! But after that, he fell asleep on me, in full turtle mode and it was so sweet that I kept staring at him instead of the movie. For a while, I leaned my cheek down on his soft cheek and stayed like that, think about how this was probably the highlight of my week, curled up all cozy with my cute sleeping baby while watching a great movie with a new friend.


Afterward, we went for lunch at the Yard House, which is very  baby friendly. They even opened the door for us. Don't get me started on that. Dude. If one more person stands NEXT to a door and watches me struggle with a stroller without offering to hold the door open I am going to run over their feet with the stroller. Even if I have to go waaaay out of my way to do it. Seriously. Anyway, they set up a table where we could fit the strollers and we had a really nice lunch. Milo was sleeping, so I decided to take care of returns at two different stores, which was awesome. Then it was time to head home to hand off Milo to Michael for the daddy-baby class.

Michael was exhausted and cranky and not really in the mood to go, but off they went. Without even saying goodbye. I felt...listless. I had planned an active day and actually was in a good mood...the first in days. But now I wasn't any more. I felt vaguely at odds with Michael for no explicit reason.  In an effort to cheer myself up, I called Alexis and went down to collect the mail and packages...which were supposed to include Greyson's birthday present but didn't. uhoh. Hope it gets here tomorrow since we leave tomorrow night to go meet our new nephew, Oakley, and celebrate Grey's birthday. On the way back up, I encountered some of our friends/neighbors out on the patio and since my phone had just died, I sat down to join them for a glass of wine they offered up.

I don't even drink wine, that's the crankypants mood I was in.

And then it turned out that Michael's daddy class was canceled, which he didn't know, because he had missed the last class because we were on vacation. (note to self--must write them a nasty letter. that's really obnoxious.)

So he came home, not in any better of a mood, and with a crying peanut. Which is weird, because Milo ALWAYS falls asleep in the car. Our neighbors were going to eat outside and offered to pick up food for us too, so we wound up having a spontaneous block party dinner with all of our favorite people. After a couple of hours in their company, I felt totally better. They are both very supportive and a good distraction. I love this place. Well, these people in particular. Please remind me to make plans with them often during the school year. It's worth the money for a babysitter to save our sanity.

Oh, and one other bright note from today--I called our insurance to file a claim on the Nissan, and was so impressed with our insurance, once again. They are super easy to deal with, they filed the claim in minutes, and it turns out there's a Nissan dealer on their preferred list. So apparently someone from Nissan will call tomorrow to arrange a good time for them to come pick up the car! So I don't even have to worry about getting it there and then getting home with the peanut. And then I guess enterprise will come drop off a car for me. If it all works as the guy said, I will be super impressed.and relieved.

Alright, I still need to go write that nasty letter to the daddy class place, write a nice one to our new nanny, and book our hotel. For tomorrow night. Which means deciding on one!

Sometimes, it feels like my little peanut is the only thing right in the world.

Today was not a good day. It was a horrible, very bad, no good day.

First off, Milo teased me by taking an ounce of milk from the new breast-shaped bottle I was so excited about. He latched right on for Michael but only drank an ounce. He would NOT take the rest from me at his next feeding time, despite 45 minutes of trying various tactics.

I had had high hopes for that bottle.

Anyway, Milo is still eating frequently and my nipples are still in mutiny over it. Somehow, between trying to catch just a few more zzzzs and feeding Milo again and again, it was 1:45 PM before we actually got out of bed. Which is sort of alarming, in a way.

We were both in a pretty good mood, though. I heated up my last frozen meal (hmmm, time to go grocery shopping I guess) and jumped in the shower. I thought I'd have time to top Milo off again but wound up rushing off to his 2 month pediatrician appointment. This always seems to happen...Milo is always hungry when we go and I'm afraid she is going to think we don't feed him. Anyway, we got there just in time and Milo got two thumbs up on all the little baby benchmarks. He's in the 78% for height (whoa!) and the 56% for weight. His head is small though...he's only in the 26%. Crazy. His head doesn't look small to me. He held his head up really well and then turned over, which prompted the pediatrician to tell him he wasn't supposed to do that for at least another month. Guess he missed the memo. She warned me not to leave him alone on counters or anything (who does that anyway?). The good news is that he's now 12 lbs 7 oz, which means (according to mothering urban legend) he can now SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT.

Guess he missed that memo too.

Well, then it was time for his THREE shots and some kind of oral thingamajig. I honestly don't even know what that one was. The nurse was surprised Milo didn't seem to like the oral medicine because it's sweet and she said most babies love it. But not Milo. He was all cranky pants about it. Guess he didn't inherit mommy's sweet tooth. We can only hope.

Then they made me hold him down for the shots. I felt like such a traitor. The nurse did the first one so fast I wasn't even sure it had happened. And neither was Milo, at first. But then when he realized it, man did he scream his head off. He wailed a heartbreaking wail, all the while pleading with me with his eyes, wondering why I would help this mean lady hurt him.

Awwwwww.

Finally, the nurse said I could pick him up and as soon as I did, he stopped crying. The nurse was astounded, saying that most babies cry a lot longer. My baby is super tough and brave.

More so than his mommy, anyway, since I felt surprisingly undone afterward. This hormone crap is ridiculous.

We made our next appointment and then headed off. Since Milo was now sleepy, I figured I'd cheer myself up with a trip to TJ Maxx, since we all need a few things, and then the grocery store. We got back into the car, and I carefully backed out of the spot, avoiding the pole I was forced to park dangerously close to. I hate parking garages. Once clear of the pole, I turned around to look out the back, making sure to avoid any small children or expensive cars.

At which point I heard a slightly sickening, yet quiet, scraping noise.

Which is when I realized there was a second pole, which had been lurking in my blind spot.

I sat there for a moment, shell shocked, hoping maybe it hadn't really happened. But then I thought, well, it was so quiet, maybe there really isn't any damage.

I was wrong.

Dammit. You know, if Michael had done this, I wouldn't even be upset about it. It's only a car after all. A new car, true, but still just a car. A thing. The first "new car" I've ever owned (or owned one third of) but still. Shit happens. But somehow, since it was me, it felt like a proclamation of my inability to handle pretty much anything these days.

Ironic and sad, because now I will have a whole lot more to handle, what with the insurance and paperwork and phone calls and getting the car in and then not having a car and feeling totally trapped.

Plus, I had to tell Michael. Who doesn't even snack in the car because he wants to take such good care of it.

He was a good sport about it, but I still feel irrationally despondent.

I decided to forgo shopping and just head home. At which point I drew the curtains closed, fed my crankypants peanut, and crawled into bed with him.

He cried softly. His leg hurt, I could tell. I cried less softly. We stared into each other's eyes and I patted his back until his lids got heavy and he made the sleepy turtle face and curled in closer to me.

Sometimes, it feels like my little peanut is the only thing right in the world.

(Mis)adventures on Milo's First Family Vacation

• Traveling with a baby requires a lot more stuff than I ever imagined. When Michael and I went away for 5 days pre-baby, we brought one medium sized suitcase and two laptops. Maybe a plastic grocery bag of snacks. Post-baby, we filled an entire luggage cart. Milo had his own carry-on sized suitcase. We brought the peapod for him to sleep in and the bouncer for him to chill in when not sleeping. A sling and an ergo and a stroller for walking, depending on the venue. A breast pump, 3 collection bottles and 3 feeding bottles. A box of diapers and a bag of swim diapers. Of course, we could have left the pump and bottles at home, since Milo was just teasing us with that one bottle he took (and finished!) in the wee hours the night before we left for our trip. He wouldn't touch another bottle the whole time. I HATE wasting pumped milk.
• Since Milo wasn't taking a bottle at night, it felt extra inconvenient to have to keep getting out of bed to get and feed Milo. (At home, I don't have to get out of bed to lift him from the bassinet).  So I did that thing I didn't think I wanted to do: I brought him in the bed with us. At first it was just for a bit when he was fussy and I was tired. But by the third night or so, I couldn't even pretend it was temporary. And you know what? I.Loved.It. Dammit. Who knew? I put him in between us in that lovely king sized bed, with no pillows or blankets around his head. I drew him close to me and shared my satin-edged blanket with him (but not near his head!) and it was the coziest thing there ever was. The only problem was that I couldn't switch sides because it felt weird to be facing out of the bed and have him at my back with no one looking out for him. So it was kind of a lopsided night's sleep, but otherwise oddly satisfying. Our first night back home I whined to Michael that I didn't want to put Milo back in his bassinet after all. uhoh. (I did put him in it though.)
• We went out to eat approximately 8 times while we were on vacation, proving that we can actually eat out at restaurants with peanut. Only once was he really fussy, and I wound up taking him into the bathroom and topping him off with a little boob action. (The restaurant was just too crowded to do it at the table.) But the bathroom was crowded too. I wound up having to go into a stall and SIT ON A TOILET! eww. But it worked.
• I'm getting smarter; since Milo usually decides it's time to eat right when we try to eat, I started preemptively feeding him right after ordering and before our food comes. Super smart. But at one lunch, while I was doing this, Milo had a big blowout. And since I had to nurse him, it only seemed fair that Michael had to change him. Which brought up an interesting point: there's no changing table in the mens' restroom at a lot of places. I told Michael to change Milo on the floor--that's what the changing pad is for. But I started thinking about the message behind this thoughtless design flaw. For one, it's perpetuating the idea that women/moms have to be the ones to change the diapers. ew. Second, what about those men out there who are widowed? Or their wives have gone on a girls weekend? Or shoved them out of the house with the kids in a bid for their own sanity? Or even those rare dads who just equally participate in parenting and voluntarily take their infant out of the house on their own? What the hell? Do we need to make it even harder for them by giving them no place to change the baby? Are those stupid changing stations really that expensive?!? I think not.
• Twice we were too tired to venture out and we ordered in. Once was indian food--delicious. And the second time, I discovered that our favorite wings chain (Wings Over "yourtown") had a Burlington location. WOOHHOOOO. AND they delivered to our hotel. But that's not even the really exciting part. It turns out they are...are you ready for this? OPENING A LOCATION IN WALTHAM!!!! Holy shit, right? That's definitely within delivery distance. Icannotevenwaitforthemtoopen!!
• Michael might have had a better vacation than me, and I should have been able to anticipate this. We picked a location where he could fish and I could walk to someplace fun while he had the car. Well, he had a great time fishing...sometimes for up to 9 hours. (He got up wicked early). But I only ventured out walking to the cute pedestrian mall once. Because it's a lot of work to get Milo and I ready to leave in the morning. And then to walk around for 5 hours in the heat hardly seemed like a just reward for all of that effort. I had had illusions that I'd be strolling with him in the stroller, stopping to read for an hour at a cafe, and then window shopping. In reality, he was in an every-two-hours eating schedule, and was pretty hot and fussy in between. Managing the stroller in crowds of people makes me hate humanity a little more each time some idiot stands by a non-automatic door and watches me struggle to get into it instead of holding it open for me. Or, worse, the people who would walk in front of me and let the door close on the stroller. Or who would literally push me out of the way to get in front of me because I was maneuvering too slowly in an effort not to run people over. Anyway, this is all to say that most days of our vacation, I sat around in a dark hotel room until Michael got back from fishing at 2 or 3 pm. At which point, he'd be tired from getting up wicked early and take a nap. By the time we'd get our act together, we'd go get a bite to eat, do a little something, and come back for bed. That part was always really nice--spending time together as a family. The thing is, since Milo wasn't taking a bottle, I was doing all the night time (and day time) feedings. And since he was on the two hour schedule, that usually left me 1.5 hour bouts of sleep. So even if Milo and I ate-burped-napped until Michael got home, I was still not well rested. And yet had wasted the entire day. So I was a little disappointed in myself for letting that happen.
• We did manage to do the Ben and Jerry's factory tour on the way to our hotel that first day, which was pretty fun. I was sad we only got to taste one flavor though. When you go on a brewery tour, you usually get to taste 3-5 kinds of beer! 

• We also made it to the beach at the lake, which was way better than I had imagined. Imported sand, a cute playground, and a snack bar (though we got there after it was closed and just a half hour before the lifeguard went off duty.) The nice thing was that the sun was less harsh and the beach emptier than during peak hours. You would have laughed if you could have seen us trying to decide how to dress Milo. He was wearing a regular diaper. I had a reusable swim diaper that looked too small and a disposable one that was about four lbs too big. And then a trunks and shirt swim set that was a few months too big. We wound up putting it all on him, which had the effect of making him look like a marsh-milo. (haha, get it? marshmallow...oh never mind.) But it worked. Next time we'd take the regular diaper off though, as it makes little crystals when it gets that wet. Milo seemed to like the water well enough but he wasn't in a very good mood to begin with, as he kept thinking he needed to eat at times when I kept thinking he probably didn't. My chewed-up nipple agreed with me, which meant that with 2 out of 3, he was outvoted. (Again, mother of the year, here I come.)

• Unfortunately, looking back at the photos from the lake/beach (which I was so excited to capture) I discovered that I looked rather like a beached whale. Quite literally. At one point, I laid down on my back in the water, with Milo laying on his stomach on top of me. He loved it. I thought it would be the cutest picture ever. Except for the part where my super-pale flesh--and loads of it--are the thing that grabs your attention in the photo rather than my cute baby. Every photo of us is like that. I swear I don't look like that when I look in the mirror before leaving my house, so how does this happen? Now I'm going to be nervous every time I leave the house. Is my mirror lying to me? It is a small consolation that the camera also seems to make Milo look less cute than in real life. I keep seeing these super cute moments with him that I want to capture, only to find that it doesn't look half as cute in the photo I snap. But he really is super cute in real life. So maybe there's hope that I am too? (And no, I can not post a photo of my beached whale self here. Sorry, bucko. No can do.)
• After the beach, we went to the docks near the hotel where there were cool swinging benches to watch the sun set. But it was a little cloudy and we got there a little late. So mostly we watched the sky go dark.  But that was cool too. 

• Milo and I also got to see some cool street performers, since it was the Festival of Fools while we were there. But Milo slept through it.
• We had some pretty great food and some not so great food. In case you're headed to Burlington, we highly recommend Tiny Thai Restaurant (we went to the Essex location) and the Skinny Pancake (creperie). At least, those were my favorites. =)
• The scariest thing happened one day while Michael was out fishing and Milo and I were chilling at the hotel. Milo started spitting up, which is normal--he's been doing it a lot lately. But then a bit later, he started coughing and then making choking sounds. Then it turned into the silent choking motions. I don't know what he could have been choking on but even though I am infant CPR certified I suddenly completely blanked on how you give a baby the Heimlich. So I banged on his back pretty hard while pretty much panicking, and eventually he threw up everything he had ever eaten. It was terrifying, and I wanted to feed him even less after that. I'm definitely going to sign up for a refresher infant CPR class. The only thing I can think of is that he swallowed some fuzz. All weekend, I kept finding bits of fuzz in his hands, which of course he often sticks in his mouth. I could not figure out where the fuzz was coming from, but eventually I came up with a theory that it was coming from his diapers. He is wearing pampers swaddlers these days, which are soft on the outside. And when he's swaddled, his hands are down by his diaper but grabbing at everything in an effort to get unswaddled. I think he may have pulled fuzzies off of the diaper. I'll never really know, which is pretty unsettling, but it's pretty much my only theory.
• Speaking of things that will remain a mystery...our credit card number got stolen and used for fraudulent charges. Which Chase apparently caught because--get this--I don't usually shop online that much. HAHAHAHAHA. Well, maybe they can send that memo to Michael. But seriously, major kudos to them for catching it and resolving it so quickly. But it still kinda sucks because I've had that card for years and have the number memorized and linked to lots of online accounts. So that's a big pain. We don't know how it happened, but I suspect it was related to Michael using the hotel business center to buy a fishing license online.
• We didn't give Milo a bath or read him a book the entire time. I'll be honest--I'm a little surprised at my type-A self and how I've already let go a bunch of the parenting ideals I felt pretty committed to. Like a bedtime routine, regular baths, and lots of books. Oh, and not using technology. Sigh. I was reading a magazine on my kindle and Milo was being fussy, so I put him on my lap and showed him how to use his hand to flip the pages back and forth and he seemed to kind of like it, so we did that for a while before I realized I was already teaching my 9 week old how to use an iPad. Doh.
• Vacations with babies seem shorter somehow. Pre-baby, five days was a nice long vacation. Post-baby, the time flew in the usual baby time warp and we somehow didn't have time to do almost ANY of the things we had planned to do. It almost didn't seem worth all that packing!
• On the bright side, Milo did sleep for the ENTIRE car ride home...at least until we got within minutes of our house which was when he realized he was starving. So Michael sent me inside to feed the baby while he parked the boat, etc. Only after carrying the screaming baby upstairs, I realized our apartment was locked (obviously a real shocker) and I couldn't get in. It seemed crazy to carry the screaming baby back down the stairs to get the keys, and equally crazy to leave the screaming baby upstairs while I went and got the keys. So I did the natural thing and sat down on the floor in the hundred degree hallway to nurse Milo. Only after about five minutes he had a HUGE blowout. His outfit was a total goner, but I was trying to save the breast friend pillow cover, which is a pain to remove/wash/replace. Someone had been kind enough to leave us a gift on our door handle, so I pulled out the tissue paper from the gift box and stuffed it under Milo's butt in an effort to save the pillow cover. Satisfied that would help for a while, I let Milo continue nursing, hoping Michael would be in soon. Oddly, he never came back. And I was sweating. So I got up, with Milo still laying sideways on the Breast Friend, and started trying to go downstairs, only to miss the last two stairs and twist my ankle. But I kept Milo steadily on the Breast Friend (and what a good friend it is!) until I made it outside, where I found Michael. Then I asked him to change the baby.  

Well, I think that pretty much wraps up our vacation. It was better than it probably sounds here. But I still kinda wish we had booked something big like Bali and taken advantage of the fact that Milo is portable and sleepy. At least if we had our own villa with a pool, it would have felt liberating to never leave the hotel. But, we did learn a bunch of things for next time. Less baby gear, more burp cloths. More planned family activities, less fishing. One less layer of diapering for swimming would probably suffice. And time for a mommy-only indulgence like a massage or pedicure wouldn't have been a bad idea either.

But taking Milo to the beach was priceless and has me wanting to book a last Cape Cod-ish getaway before we run out of summer and the students return. If only we knew someone with a house down there who would lend it to us...

I'm totally going to throw a blanket over his head to get him to take a bottle...

When Milo was born, he was very good at sucking. He took to the breast, the pacifier, and the bottle easily. The nurses in the hospital exclaimed over his strong suck! A few weeks later, he stopped being able to keep the pacifier in. He seemed to want to, but his tongue would get in the way after a couple of sucks, and out it would pop. Week 7, he stopped taking a bottle as well. Which really sucks. No pun intended. I finally gave in and bought a $20 wubbanub monkey pacifier, in the hopes that the weight of it would help keep the pacifier in Milo's mouth. No suck luck.

Until today.

We were in the car, headed back to the hotel from the beach. Milo started crying, which is SUPER rare in the car because he usually falls quickly asleep. I tried to stick the pacifier in, but no go. It was lined up just right, but he couldn't latch on to really get going.

On a whim, I threw a blanket over his head to make him stop crying. I don't know why, but Milo REALLY likes having blankets over his face. Sometimes he does it to himself. At first I thought he was just confused and that's why he stops crying when it happens, but no, he actually likes it.

Sure enough, he stopped crying.

And THEN he started sucking!

Michael, Michael! He's sucking! I threw a blanket over his head and he did it! I'm going to totally throw a blanket over him and get him to take a bottle this way. We can call it the "Blanketwise" parenting approach.


I am so going up for mother of the year.

In which we take on a yard sale and our first night leaving Milo with a babysitter

Whoa the last two days have been busy. Yesterday, we had to get up on the early side to get ready for the big yard sale. I'm starting to get used to the fact that I have to build in an extra hour or so of getting ready time for feeding Milo and getting waylaid by Milo-related incidents. The yard sale was supposed to start at 11 so that meant getting up at 8:30 or so. After not so much sleep, because Milo still wouldn't take a bottle.

It was pretty stressful getting everything ready and out for the sale, especially since we hadn't gone through the stuff in the basement ahead of time. Luckily, Milo slept the whole time we were getting ready and since we have that awesome (priceless!) video monitor, we left him upstairs, sleeping peacefully in air conditioning. The first family that stopped by bought all of the Ikea furniture at once, which was pretty exciting because it meant we wouldn't have to cart it all back inside again! All in all, we made over $200 at the sale which wasn't a bad take for 5 hours. But the real prize is that my friend arranged for someone to come pick up all of the remainders on Wednesday morning, so we get rid of all the stuff we didn't sell too. Yay! So much more room and less clutter in our storage now. It was super hard to box up the books that didn't sell. I don't really want to just give them away but I forced myself. Agh. I love those books and feel such a sense of loss. I'm sort of grieving this dream I have of a future house with a library lined with all of my books...which clearly won't ever happen since a) we're living in a tiny apartment on campus and not house shopping any time soon and b) I will have given away all of my books by then.

Anyway, during a Milo-feeding break, I went to make a reservation at the new restaurant we were going to try for our anniversary dinner but it turned out to be closed on Sundays. And so did the next restaurant we tried. WTF? What kind of business plan is that? So we changed our plans to a local restaurant we know we like that is close to the local movie theatre...that way we'd be gone from Milo less time, since this was our first time leaving him with someone else.

So the yard sale ended at 4, and I finished packing up the remainders by 5, which left a half hour for us both to get showered and ready for the Big Night Out. Our friend Erin was babysitting, and she's the best sort of babysitter for new parents...very nonchalant about the prospect that Milo might not take a bottle and might scream his head off for hours. Very reassuring.

Michael and I had a fantastic dinner (complete with a buzz-garnering mango vanilla drink thingie) and dessert and then headed over to watch Harry Potter. I texted Erin in case we needed to come home and feed Milo but she sent me a little picture of him smiling and said all was well, so off we went. Only when we got there, it turned out we were half an hour early for the movie, thanks to the wrong time being posted online. I figured that might mean we'd have to call off the movie plans, but Erin was unfazed (or at least pretended to be--god bless her).  So we got to watch the whole movie, which was longer than two hours. So it had been about 5 hours since Milo had eaten by the time we came home and we expected to come home to wailing. But no, Milo seemed fine. Erin was bouncing him on the exercise ball and he was pretty subdued and sleepy. Turns out he wouldn't take the bottle from her either, even though he should have been pretty hungry.

But I think he's at a weight/stage where he can suddenly go longer without eating, because we fed him around 11 and put him to bed. I followed at around midnight. I woke up around 6:15 and realized he had never woken up to eat. I was so surprised that I checked to make sure he was still breathing. (He was.) I figured since I was awake, I'd try to pull off a "dream feed" which is when you basically feed the baby while he's sleeping in order to extend his sleep. It totally worked and bought us another 3 hours. Which means I got about 8 hours of sleep last night! WOOO HOOO. I'm PRAYING we've gotten over a hump and this wasn't a one time fluke. I can totally manage one feeding a night.

Today we had to get up early again to call the doctor, because Milo has been having weird tearing and eye issues and we thought he might have pinkeye since someone on campus had it recently. This was my first time calling the nurse line and it took just under two hours for them to call back. I guess that's not too too bad. The nurse reassured me that it was really a clogged tear duct and very common and it didn't need any special treatment. phew.

Then we had to clean the house because I had a college counselee coming for a meeting.  Milo sat in his bouncer and played on his activity gym and had tummy time while I cleaned. And when he fussed, I picked him up and danced with him to my cleaning playlist. So it was pretty fun, for cleaning. And, get this: I stopped at "good enough." I still had to actually work on her college counseling, after all! The meeting went well, and Milo made it until the end before he started to wake up. Then, I fed him again and when he finally started getting sleepy, I debated getting up to clean more because we had friends coming over to dinner. But I decided instead to just stay there with Milo sleeping on me. I don't want to waste cozy time with him. Of course then I got really sleepy and was just falling asleep when my alarm went off. A few minutes later, our doorbell rang.

This friend is one I met when I was studying at Harvard and we really connected. We used to have these long, thought-provoking, genuine talks and we were in several classes together. We didn't keep in touch as well as I had hoped afterward, but she and her husband came to our wedding and I was so glad they did. Then a bunch more time passed before I asked her if she'd go to a Jodi Picoult reading with me and I was so happy she agreed to. Then, a bunch more time passed and I invited her to my baby shower because I missed her and wanted to reconnect.  But it turns out she was really sick and couldn't come. So I was super excited when she emailed me last week and said she and her husband wanted to come meet Milo and bring us Thai dinner. It turns out they are expecting their first child in October, so Michael and I got to have a little bit of fun pretending we knew a little something about the beginning of parenthood. ;-)  Oh! And she made Milo a beautiful baby blanket. He is such a lucky little guy to have so many people spend time making things for him!

So today just FLEW by, but in a nice way. Tomorrow we need to leave the house by 10:30 at the latest in order to meet the moms for lunch before our 4th group meeting. And then we need to get the stuff ready for the donation pick up and then we need to PACK for our vacation! YAY. Well, yay about getting there. Not so yay about packing and driving there. And the fact that I'll probably need to do laundry before I can pack. And the fact that it's hard to know what to bring for Milo. But I'm pretty psyched to have a little vacation with him. It will be hard to not bring work though because I haven't finished the college counseling that I told families I would do before I left. sigh. It's hard to know whether I'd feel better completely ignoring it and having a work free zone or if I'd feel better picking away at it.  Mostly I want to sleep and read and walk around the cute little Church Street Marketplace.

Too Tired for Witty

I don't have time to be thorough or witty, so here's what happened today:

• Michael got up at 4:30 to go fishing, so I let him skip a bottle feeding. Then Milo and I decided to stay in bed until 1:00 pm when Michael came home with bruegger's bagels for brunch. We all got cozy on the couch together while we watched some DVR and had brunch.
• Milo had a HUGE blowout that went through the double-layered swaddler and the cradle sheet. When I went to change him, it turned out he wasn't quite done. Ew. I cleaned him up, only to have him then pee all over himself. I cleaned that up and went to put his clothes on only to find that his back was all wet because he was sitting in a lake of his own pee that I guess had dribbled down his side and hidden from view. Awesome. 
• We really need to bathe our son more often. Of course, though we had said we would do it today, we didn't. We are not going to make parents of the year, that's for sure.
• We did not get anything ready for the yard sale, other than make new signs to put out in the morning, which means we have a LOT to do tomorrow morning.
• I DID take Milo's 8 week photo, only two days late. He wasn't playing along though, and none were coming out well, so after he fell asleep I took some more and those were cuter. Then, since he was sleeping, I had fun posing him a bit and took some other super cute pics of him!

• I actually had a lot of fun taking a stroll down this year's memory lane in order to update my vows for tomorrow's vow renewal. You can't think about the highlights of the year with your husband and not feel uplifted. My vows turned out to be over two pages though. Oops. (Don't know how I'm going to fit THOSE in the year 3 marriage book!)
• I agreed to meet one of my college counselees on Monday to talk about essays and other college stuff. Which means I really need to spend a few hours prepping for that meeting. agh. (yes, I suck at boundaries.)
• We also made it to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory on a SATURDAY night, with 6 adults and 4 babies! It's great that Michael got to meet some of the husbands of the moms in my group at his class on Thursday. (did that make sense?) Anyway, the women all knew each other and the men all knew each other which was cool. And we had so much to talk about, since our kids are all around the same age and we're all new at this parenting thing. It's great that none of us have to feel self-conscious if our baby starts crying or needs to eat, since we're all in the same boat. And it turned out that we stayed for three hours, so ALL of the kids had to eat at some point.
• Plus, today was National Cheesecake Day or some shit like that, and all the cheesecakes were half off. Sweeeet.
• I'm about to go check out the new breast flow bottle that got here today so Michael can use it tonight. I'm praying it makes a difference so we won't have to come home early from our anniversary date tomorrow night.

In which we take on the grocery store, the MFA, and the Stroller Strides exercise class.

Okay, this is going to be a long post since I haven't posted since Tuesday night. I'll just summarize Wednesday quickly and try to post shorter, more focused posts in future.

Basically, Wednesday's big challenge was taking Milo to the grocery store for the first time. The first tricky part was how to bring him. The ergo would leave my hands free for shopping (and cart free for groceries) but it was SOOOO hot that I couldn't really imagine that working out well for either of us. So I brought the car seat in. I know I've seen other moms put the car seat in the front of the shopping cart so I figured I'd try that. Well, apparently it works with the snugride 32 but NOT the snugride 35 that I have. (Mommy tip #13: go for the 32. Those three extra pounds really aren't going to make a difference since by the time your child weighs 32 pounds he will no longer fit in this car seat.) I could have tried balancing the car seat up there anyway, but it seemed pretty precarious. And I am a klutz, prone to driving into displays and innocent bystanders alike.

So I put the carseat in the main part of the cart. Which meant there was very little room for groceries:

Anyway, I haven't done the grocery shopping since Milo was born, so it was actually kind of fun and I lingered a little too long picking out snacks and things. I was so excited that I bought three different kinds of hot dogs for the BBQ and 3 lbs of potato salad to share (which, it turned out not to be a sharing kind of night so both were really unnecessary.) Anyway, I took a few minutes TOO long, as just as I got to the register, Milo woke up, realized he was famished, and started screaming and crying so hard that he sounded like he was choking.

And the women in front of me was paying with pennies.

I'm kidding. She wasn't, but her checkout process was crazy slow. Or maybe it just seemed that way. In any case, I was grateful when a woman came over and smiled at Milo and started bagging my stuff double-time so that we could get out of there and feed him. And then another man came over and started helping (clearly he figured out that the faster my bags got packed, the faster the screaming baby would disappear). The woman was really sweet though, packing my cart carefully around Milo and reminding me not to forget the bags she was putting on the bottom of the cart.  And, once we got back in the car and started moving, Milo fell asleep again. phew.

Until we got home and the car stopped moving, at which point he realized that HE MIGHT NEVER EAT AGAIN and reacted appropriately.

Which made carrying the groceries and him in at the same time nearly impossible. But I managed to get the perishables in and got to feed him just in time to head out to the BBQ. I would have considered this grocery outing a success, except for that over the next 24 hours I kept trying to use things I had purchased only to find they hadn't made it home with me. Apparently a bag of groceries that I paid for went missing along the way, including gripe water for baby and hair gel for me. (and when Michael tried to get hair gel for me a day later, it was sold out. Because it was on sale. And the gripe water was $9! which made me even more mad about the missing groceries.) Oh well. Practice makes perfect, I guess.

Not much to say about the BBQ except for that the weather was lovely and Milo was totally into his new black and white books that our friend gave him:

So, then, on to Thursday!

Every summer, there's one big meeting where we assign advisors to all of the new students. It's sort of fun for me, because it's like a huge logic puzzle. For example: Sarah needs a hands-on advisor, preferably a soccer coach, and another new junior in her group. I love doing the matchmaking, especially for the students that I interviewed. So even though I'm still on maternity leave, I wanted to try to go to this long meeting yesterday, from 9-whenever. At first, I thought I'd just bring Milo since he sleeps so much, but he's gotten unpredictable lately and I don't want to be that mom that's unaware (or pretending to be) of the fact that her child is totally distracting (and annoying) everybody.  So when a kind dorm parent friend offered to watch him, I took her up on it. This was the first time (on his 8 week birthday) that Milo has been left with anyone other than Michael or I except one time when a neighbor friend watched him for 20 minutes while we ran to the dumpster.

So I knew it was going to be hard, added to the fact that being anyplace at 9:00 am these days is nearly impossible.  But then, Milo decided to wake up hungry every two hours the night before. And then whimper a lot. From 4:45 am on, I was wide awake. Tired, but wiiiiiiiide awake. My mind was swirling in a way that I had forgotten...it's been the better part of a year since I last felt anxious in that way. When Milo broke every one of his limbs out of his swaddler at 7 am, so that it just wrapped around his middle like a diaper and pissed him off further, I reached over to pick him up out of the bassinet, and in my best sullen teenager voice told him, "You are so ANNOYING."

awww....it only took me 8 weeks to say something I totally regretted and felt guilty about. Not a good sign for my level of self-control. Lucky me, he can't understand me yet, but I still spent a good five minutes later in the day telling him I was sorry and that he wasn't annoying at all. Mommy just gets cranky when tired.

Anyway, I cuddled him up on me to see if he'd fall back asleep, but no go. And, unexpectedly, I started tearing up. I didn't feel sad. I didn't even really feel tired. In fact, I felt more awake than I had in a while. But I couldn't stop crying. I figured there was no need to wake Michael up too, so I took Milo into the bathroom and settled him in his bouncer while I got into a really hot shower.

Where I proceeded to sit on the floor and sob uncontrollably for a good twenty minutes, for no real reason. In retrospect, I think I was feeling anxious about going back to work, since I had spoken with my boss the day before about when I would return and we just hired the nanny, etc etc. I didn't really expect to feel this torn. On the one hand, I don't want to leave my baby at all. I want to spend all my time showing him the world and napping with him. On the other hand, I want to get back to doing something that I'm good at...something that makes me feel like I can make a contribution outside of being a mom. I think I feel equally strongly about both. Plenty of people told me that I'd feel this way, but I still didn't expect it. I thought one side would clearly win out, and I'd just steer my life in that direction as much as possible. I really can't complain since my boss was so great and made it so that I can work part time, from home this year.  It's the best situation I could have hoped for.  But I still worry I won't be able to be the mom I want to be OR the employee I want to be. This year will be the ultimate exercise in balance and mindfulness. And I can't decide whether it will be better to have both parts all mixed up so that I do personal stuff during "work" time and work stuff whenever I can during "home" time, or whether it will be better to really focus on work during work time and vow not to work during "non" work time. It might seem obvious to choose the latter, but I suspect that might make me feel more like I am not the mom I want to be (when not interacting with him at all during the day) or the employee I want to be (when I can't actually finish what I need to do in the time I have a nanny here and try not to do it during "off" time.)

Awesome.

Anyway, back to the meeting. My friend had to drop her son off at camp at nine but was so sweet and dropped him off a few minutes early so I could be on time to my meeting. Milo was sleeping when I left, so it wasn't too hard to leave him.

Plus, you know, I was only a two minute walk away.

I had almost decided not to go to the meeting, but I wound up being so glad I did. I think it will be too easy to drift away from the office while working from home and not feel "in the loop" anymore, which will just be too weird. Plus, I love the match-making. Milo lasted for two hours before he woke up and my friend texted me to let me know he was hungry. Since most of my kids had been taken care of, I felt okay about leaving and came back home to feed Milo. Not an altogether unsuccessful first attempt at leaving him for work.

Once I fed him, my friend and I were headed off to the Museum of Fine Arts to see a glass exhibit I've been wanting to see since April. (On a side note, I've started this habit of just talking up things I want to do, or emailing a big group of people about them, and I've been really lucky to almost always have someone who is happy to go with me which means I'm doing a lot more with my time and spending more quality time with friends. yay.) It was nearly noon by the time we got out of the house, but at least we made it.

I had decided to valet park given that driving into the city and taking Milo (and stroller and ergo) to the museum was enough of a challenge, and was excited to learn that there was a $10 discount for museum members. I'm not a member, but another friend is, and she lent us her membership for the day. (shhhh. I'm totally into supporting museums and promise I'll get a membership myself when Milo is old enough to merit actually going more often.) Actually, in all the time(s) I've lived in Boston, this was my first time going to the MFA.

By the time we got there, my friend and I were both starving and Milo was still sleeping, so we decided we should eat first. The first cafe we tried had a huge line so we decided (since we had the membership discount) to splurge on the fancy, zagat rated restaurant upstairs. Unfortunately, it turned out that since we didn't have a reservation, we'd have to kill 45 minutes before we could eat. Which we did pretty easily, mostly by getting lost in the exhibits on that floor.

This all meant that by the time we got seated, Milo started to wake up and fuss because he was hungry. I wasn't sure how they would feel about breastfeeding in the restaurant since it was so...stuffy sophisticated expensive. This was no Cheesecake Factory after all. But, Milo had to eat and so did I, so we set about trying to make that work. Neither of us is super good at doing this without a "my breast friend" pillow yet, and Milo kept squirming and slipping off. Luckily, he's getting quite good at finding his own way given enough time. Eventually, he got latched on and I managed to eat my entire lunch one-handed. With my left hand. HAHA! I am so clever.

In case you're interested, there were only about four things on the menu, so I had $28 crab cakes (#2) for lunch. They were served in a delicious sauce which made them taste practically worth $28.

I also ordered a $12 "glass blower" drink, partially for the name and partially because making it into the city to the MFA at 8 weeks and eating left-handed while breastfeeding seemed like an accomplishment worth celebrating.

During the lunch, I realized that I was sitting in a frou-frou restaurant in the MFA, midweek, drinking a cocktail and spending an unacceptable amount of money on lunch.

Whoa. Suddenly, I'm a Weston mom. Creeeeeeeepy.

But my awareness of this irony is reassuring, and my friend and I have a good laugh over this weirdness.

After lunch, we finally made it to the glass exhibit that had drawn us to the museum in the first place (after getting lost a bit more). I'm telling you, they need better maps. In fact, there should be an "app for that"...one that knows where you are and tells you how to get where you want to go. But I suppose that's what the docents are there for. (I think they're called docents, right?)

So we made it there and OMG was it worth it. SOOOO breathtakingly beautiful. I took a lot of pictures.

And then I made my friend take a lot of pictures of Milo and I, to document his first museum trip.

Here are some highlights:

Well, there was more that we would have wanted to check out in the museum, but it was around 4:00 by the time we finished in the glass exhibit. Michael had (somewhat begrudgingly) agreed to the daddy/baby class that started at 6:00, knowing that he wouldn't be able to leave work early enough to get Milo and get there on time, so I had offered to take Milo to meet him there. Traffic at that time can be unpredictable and I didn't want Michael to be stressed, so I wanted to make sure to leave plenty of time to get there on time. So we decided to head out. By the time I dropped my friend off it was 5:00 and it seemed silly to get Milo out of the car only to turn around and get him back in, so I turned around and headed towards the class location and called Alexis to catch up on the way there.

Milo slept the whole way, and I was positively PARCHED--and early--so I was trying to find a place where I could get a drink without having to get him out of the car and risk waking him up. I figured I could hit up a fast food drive-through. So Rosie (our GPS--named after the maid from the jetsons who always knew everything) found the nearest McDonald's for me. I get to the McDonalds and follow the little arrows painted on the ground and tell Alexis I'm going to have to ask her to hold on while I order...

...and then I realize that I can't find WHERE I am supposed to order. So I keep following the arrows until I have completely circled the building.

What?!

A McDonald's that doesn't have a drive-through?

IS THAT EVEN LEGAL?


I still had a half hour so asked Rosie to find me another fast food joint. The next nearest one was 2.5 miles away, which could be risky with traffic but I decided to try it. Until I saw that she wanted me to get back on 95, which I knew made the whole venture unrealistic. So I decided to just head towards the class location to wait for Michael. Of course, as soon as I parked the car, Milo woke up and started crying his inconsolable hunger cry.

So I climbed into the back seat to feed him (thank goodness for my blue tooth surround sound thingamajig). Meanwhile, Michael is texting me that this important project at work has hit a snag and he's running late. Which means that I will be running late for dinner with Erin. And I have already pushed it back once today so that I could drop Milo off here. And we were supposed to be celebrating her birthday, which made me feel extra stressed, since she is always such a good and reliable friend herself and I am quickly becoming a flaky friend. sigh.

I manage to feed AND change Milo in the car (oh god, I've just this moment realized that I think there is still a dirty diaper sitting ripening in the car someplace. ewww.) and then decide to wait inside for the rest of the time until Michael gets there. He takes long enough that I have to change Milo again and there is only 30 minutes left of the class but at least he made it. I head out to meet Erin, who has agreed to drive out to my house and has suffered an hour in traffic as punishment for this good deed. (Sorry Erin!)

We decide not to get back in the car and order in and settle into catching up while we wait for the food. I tell her about how this Sunday is our anniversary and how much I wanted to just go to dinner and a movie to be able to feel like we can still do that stuff, but that my child care has fallen through and I am debating whether it's worth seeing if the new nanny is available (at $15 an hour.) And then she volunteers to babysit herself! (See what a good friend she is?) But then I feel really badly because it sounded like I was fishing for her to offer, and it hadn't even occurred to me. But then I get really, REALLY excited to go out for a real dinner and I just got a groupon for a great new restaurant close to the movie theatre. So we are going out for our anniversary after all. YAYYYYY. (Now let's just hope Milo will either sleep the whole time or take a bottle so we don't have to cut the night short and Erin doesn't regret offering!)

So today was the first Stroller Strides exercise class. I had seen it on BuyWithMe and sent an email to the moms in my group to see if anyone wanted to do it with me and a few did. (Which, incidentally, got me a $10 credit for the site. yay.) Anyway, it seemed like a great way to get back into exercising since I still haven't managed to make it to the gym. And we could bring the babies and get to know each other better. Perfect.

Except I don't know what made me think that I could get anyplace at a set time, especially when it was before ten am. So I got there after the warm up, just as they were headed off and I had to run to catch up to my new mom friends. Which was a bad idea, since one of the first things we had to do was run up a hill pushing the stroller.

What the hell did I get myself into?! I had envisioned a brisk walk with the strollers followed by some time on a mat in the park doing a gentle pilates workout. But no, this was RUNNING along with all kinds of stops to work on various muscle toning. While singing to the babies, which apparently counts as cardio. Which was evident by the fact that I could no longer breathe after trying to sing while doing the exercises.

At the last stop, we got on the ground to work our abs, and Milo started fussing. He had gone four hours since eating, so I knew he was hungry and frankly I was not at all upset to cut the workout short, but I decided to take him out and hold him while doing sit-ups as our leader had offered. And it turns out Milo LOVES that! He stopped fussing and started smiling so much that I asked one of the other moms to take a picture! You can't see his smile, but trust me, he's smiling up a storm!

Just then, it started raining, so class ended a little early after all. Again--not upset. =) We got back to the starting location and I even got a little gift bag from the "sponsors." Awesome. Totally worth the BuyWithMe. And I felt GREAT. Lots of energy. And it was only 11 am! And Milo was still sleeping!

So I went to return that expensive swing that did nothing for Milo, and of course while in the store waiting in line, he decides he is ravenous. Luckily, it's a baby store, so I don't really feel self-conscious about it and they're all really nice and we're on our way pretty quickly. I debate whether to feed him in the car since it's been almost four and a half hours since the start of his last meal, but I decide to risk it and see if he'll fall asleep again once the car starts moving. Luckily, he did. So we made it all the way home and I fed him and then we played for a while. He is really smiling a lot now--AT ME--which is really fun and pretty much endlessly entertaining.

But it's time for the arts festival on campus and I wanted to go to that, so instead of leaning into the nap that's calling our names, I throw Milo into a sling and head on down, certain that he'll love the music at least.

Except he fell asleep on the way down there. Oh well. I was only going to go to one or two performances, but he was sleeping so well and it was so much fun watching younger kids perform all kinds of art, so I stayed until he got hungry in the middle of the animation showing. I figured I'd head home to feed him (and me, since I hadn't eaten yet.) But then I ran into my boss and she told me that there was this really funny mockumentary the kids had done and that I shouldn't miss it. She offered up the office for breastfeeding (how cool is she?) and I figured why not? (I feel like each time I manage to nurse in a new location, I should stick a pin in a map and get a little gold star.) I didn't want to miss the mockumentary, so I only fed him for about 7 minutes and then I went back to the festivities. Milo stayed asleep through the last dance performance and then we went back home.

He woke up but didn't start screaming for boob, so I had my lunch and then played with him some more. Wow. He has kind of been like a totally different kid all day. (Maybe this means we are through the growth spurt?) Cranky cluster feeding Milo has morphed into happy smiling Milo. Eventually he got hungry and I turned on Project Runway, but by the time he was done eating I was falling asleep myself, so I turned the show off (RIGHT before the final runway bit, which just shows how tired I was) and we both napped together cozily until daddy got home.

What a nice day, even if it was totally exhausting.

And I feel like I've been in a car accident. Really--what was I thinking with the stroller strides class?!?

We've had a busy week so we haven't gotten any further on the yard sale front, so that's tomorrow's goal. AND we are supposed to be having dinner with two of the other couples whose husbands are in Michael's daddy/baby class. They want to eat at Cheesecake Factory. On a Saturday night. With four babies.

Hahahahahaha. That should be an adventure in itself.

The other goal--and perhaps most important--is to write vows for our little renewal ceremony on Sunday.  When we got married, we wrote our own (REALLY LONG) vows and in them, promised to renew them each year in a new place. This year, we've decided the new place is Milo's nursery.

Further Adventures with Milo and the "moms"

So after getting Milo to take the bottle from Michael again (for two nights) we skipped the bottle on Saturday night because Michael had to get up early for a tournament on Sunday morning.  Sunday night, when Michael tried to give Milo the bottle, he wouldn't take it...and then, in a new twist, also wouldn't take it from me. This was the first time he wouldn't take it from me and I agonized over whether to give him a boob or not. He was clearly hungry and I didn't want to deprive him. On the other hand, I didn't want him to think that if he cried long enough, he would get the boob over the bottle, since he needs to be able to take the bottle from a nanny in a couple of weeks. After a lot of fussing and choking sounds and arching back, I tried to comfort Milo and he fell asleep. So I figured he couldn't have been that hungry. I feel fairly confident that babies won't starve themselves and if they're hungry enough, they'll eat. A few hours later, he woke up hungry again and took the remainder of the bottle. Unfortunately, this whole deal meant a lot less sleep for me. And we had made plans to meet a couple of the moms from the moms' group for an 11:20 movie, which meant getting moving early enough to feed, pump, shower, change, dress, etc etc. so we didn't have time to make up the sleep.

I learned after last week, and left time in between feeding and changing so Milo was done pooping before his last change and we (miraculously) got out the door more or less on time.  I hadn't had time for breakfast, though, so wanted to go through the McDonald's drive through on the way to the movies. I didn't want to be late, since I had organized the gathering and others were meeting me, but I thought I could make it. I called Tiff on the way there, since she was due to have a baby any minute. As I slow down to order, Milo wakes up and starts crying. Which is awesome, since I was hoping he would sleep through the movie. And then I get to the payment window and they tell me to "just hold on a minute" and proceed to take FIVE minutes to change out the cash drawer while my son screams his head off in the back seat.  Awesome.

Luckily, as soon as we started moving again, he fell asleep again and was sleeping by the time I walked into the movie (only a few minutes late) and met the other moms. The movie was GREAT. Well, okay, it was Friends with Benefits and it wasn't a particularly quality movie, but it was very entertaining. I laughed out loud. I cried. Milo didn't. yay. He fussed a bit at one time and I asked him to just hold out until I finished my chicken strips. And when he made it that long, I negotiated for the cinnamelts. (Yes, I know what a terribly unhealthy lunch this was.)

When he decided halfway through the movie that he couldn't wait any more, I fed him, which went really well until he had the blowout to end all blowouts. (In case you're not a baby person and thus not familiar with this term, it's when baby poops so gloriously that it can not be contained by a mere diaper and usually ends up in astonishing places.) Milo was completely unfazed and kept eating while I could feel the poop seeping through the back of his onesie.

At which point, I did what any good mother would and wrapped a receiving blanket around his bottom half. I let him keep eating, and I kept watching the movie. He fell asleep afterward so I figured why wake him only to spend 15 minutes in the bathroom cleaning him up? And, actually, I was a little worried about opening him up in public.

After the movie, we were all in various states of undress and had to make sure we were all contained before asking one of the teenage boy ushers to snap a picture of us as evidence of our bravery in attending a not "baby friendly" movie.

I told the moms about the blowout and how I didn't want to miss the movie to clean him up, and one of them immediately said that's what she would have done too. I can tell we're going to be good friends. I so appreciate people who don't make you feel like you have to try to be (or pretend to try to be) supermom.

I was tempted to leave him sleeping until we got home, but it didn't seem right to leave him sitting in that level of poop so I took him to the bathroom to clean him up. Their changing table was in the handicapped stall, and I found myself hoping that no handicapped people would come along, since I knew this wasn't going to be fast. I opened him up and OMG. I'll spare you the details, but I'm sure my fellow restroom buddies were REALLY wondering what was going on in there as I was commentating on the diaper change: "Oh my god. OOOohhh wow. Ew ew ew. What a mess." etc etc. haha. All in all, it was a four wiper diaper--a record for us (though not Michael, as he tends to use more wipes than me anyway). I was glad I was prepared with a change of clothes and a stuff sack for the soiled outfit and blanket.

So then we were off home to interview the nanny, and on the ride home, I got a text that Tiff was on her way to the hospital. I had wanted to get there early enough to straighten the house but I got there just in time to meet my friend and nanny in the parking lot, and we all walked up together. Milo, of course, woke when the car stopped moving and was starting to fuss because he was so hot in the car seat. The nanny asked if she could take him out and I knew that was a good sign...a) that she didn't just do it without asking and b)that she had an inclination to do something to make him more comfortable.

The interview was great. Both my friend (who is "sharing" the nanny with me) and I loved her answers to pretty much every question. But I have to be honest, when she told me she's one of those people that actually really likes to clean, I was ready to hire her on the spot. My friend and I met quickly after she left, realized we both loved her and wanted to move quickly, checked her references which were glowing with no hesitation, and called to offer her the job. She told us her fiance was a little worried about the mileage/commute but that she thought it was a great fit and just wanted to talk it through with him when she got home. I was convinced she wouldn't take it, since it was a 25 minute commute without traffic. So I was SUPER excited when she called later that same night to accept. YAYYYYY. We have a nanny. A GOOD nanny. That we can practically afford. That will do laundry and dishes and floors. And she has great experience and is insightful.

In fact, she's so wonderful that I'm already worried she's going to back out. Keep your fingers crossed for us, okay?

By the time we were done checking the nanny's references, Tiff had had an amazing baby boy! She had him so fast I couldn't believe it! What a pro. I so wished I was there with her. This was another one of those moments where now that I know what it's like, I realized how much I sucked when she had her other children, and how much I am currently sucking because I am not in the car headed to NJ to be with her and meet her latest bundle of joy. I totally want to too, but I can not imagine spending 5+ hours in a car by myself with Milo, having to stop and feed him. And then what would I do once there, with a newborn? It's not like I could be very helpful, as I can barely keep the two of us clean and fed. This is when it sucks most to be far away from my family. I miss my sister and I want to visit her in the hospital and make her laugh like she did for me. But I'm not really as funny as her anyway.

So I was in a great mood by the time our California Pizza Kitchen got delivered, what with a nanny lined up and a new nephew to meet.  Milo was fed and happy and all was well with the world as Michael and I settled into dinner and the DVR.

When we finished eating, Michael decided to go night fishing at a nearby pond and I was going to work on college counseling and this blog.  Unfortunately, Milo had other ideas and within minutes starting fussing and pouting and crying. I tried everything to calm him, but it was clear he was in some discomfort. He felt clammy to me, so I undressed him and turned up the A/C as I continued to soothe him.

He cried desperately for the entire three hours Michael was gone. Which was so unlike him that I took his temperature (rectally) for the first time. (More traumatic for him than me). It was 99.9, which is not technically a fever for a baby but a bit higher than normal.  When Michael got home, I stuck Milo in the sling and we all went for a walk, which turned out to be really nice time together and Milo quickly calmed down and fell asleep. That kid really loves moving.

When we got back Michael got ready for bed and then of course Milo started fussing again, so I fed him again and by the time that was all done, it was after 1:00 am and we were both exhausted so I gave up on the emails and blog and we went to sleep.

Usually, I wake up as soon as Milo starts fussing and well before he's really hungry and crying, but we've been trying to wait to make sure he's really hungry before I wake Michael to get him a bottle. So when that happened, I poked Michael, told him the baby needed a bottle and then...fell back asleep. This has never happened before, me falling asleep despite my baby crying only inches away.

Next thing I know, it's 6:30 and baby and Michael are both gone. Apparently, Michael got up at 2 to give Milo the bottle but by the time it was ready, Milo had fallen back asleep. When Milo started fussing and crying again a little after six, Michael started getting the bottle ready for him.

And I slept through the whole damn thing. I must have been REALLY tired to pass out like that. A little alarming really. Someone could have come in and taken my baby and I would have slept right through it.

So Milo had slept about 5 hours, and had gone five and a half since the start of his last feeding. Awesome. (Must have filled up with the cluster feeding!) Unfortunately, Michael could only get him to take an ounce or so. I knew that wouldn't hold him for long, and sure enough, Milo woke an hour later, hungry as anything. But he finished the rest of the bottle without too much drama (YAY) before I nursed him.

Unfortunately, by that time it was 8:15 and I only had an hour until my alarm would go off to start getting ready for moms group day. On Tuesdays, we meet for lunch at 11 before our 1:30 class, which means leaving the house by 10:30 or 10:40 at the latest. Well, 9:15 came and I snoozed twice. I laid there, looking at Milo conked out peacefully and cozily on my arm and was seriously considering skipping the lunch. But I was so happy after last week's lunch, so I made myself move him into the nursery and I started pumping. Of course, not five minutes in, he started to stir and then started to make serious choking sounds. I was like a deer in headlights, trying to get to him, with the pump vacuum sealed onto my breast, and the tubing not long enough to reach. Oh what a sight I must have been.

I sat him up and tried to pat his back and comfort him, but he was all gurgly and congested sounding. I tried the bulb suction thingie, which did absolutely nothing, but before I could really panic, he settled down again. Phew. But then he started trying to wiggle his way down to my boob, so I had to stop and feed him again. By this point, it was 10:00.  After he finished, I had to finish pumping (7 ounces from ONE boob. Jesus.) and then jumped in the shower. At 10:28. sigh. I figured I had 12 minutes before I really needed to leave.

But then I had to get him changed, us both dressed, and refill the diaper bag supplies (replacing the backup onesie). Then I had a moment of indecision about whether to pack a bottle or not. He had been cluster feeding yesterday, and I didn't want to have to deal with him eating (multiple times) during lunch. But then again, the bottle might cause more of a scene than trying to nurse him. And, if I didn't use it, and it was really hot, it might go bad and then I'd be wasting it.

But I did decide to bring it (at 10:56) and we finally got in the car at 11. Milo promptly fell asleep.

And stayed that way all through lunch.

And halfway into the moms' group meeting. He even slept through infant massage time (I was sorry to miss that time with him but have a deep commitment to never to wake a sleeping baby). When he woke, I fed him and changed him and he smiled at me and then we did a bit of tummy time, in which everyone admired his strength and I snapped pictures, as per usual.

Sample baby giving us the finger.

Our mommy group, set up for tummy time.

My baby, rocking tummy time.

We talked about sleep during class, and I got some good tips we are trying out tonight. First, we learned that the baby's first period of sleep at night is their longest, and that after that, they will wake every 2-3 hours to eat as during the day. Unfortunately that first long period often starts well before the parents go to bed so it's  a bit of a "waste" in that way...so some parents get ready for bed and then feed the baby just before they turn in themselves, without the baby ever really waking up, and they say this extends that first long period of sleep. So we're trying that tonight. Milo fell asleep around midnight, and I'm going to get to bed by 1:00, and I'll sleep feed him and see what happens! Also, they said to turn off all light sources, even the digital numbers on a clock. Michael and I have been leaving the closet light on so we could more easily see and check on Milo (and make sure he's breathing) but tonight we're going dark. We'll see if it makes a difference. We also learned that by this age, babies are ABLE to sleep for a 5-8 hour period without eating, so our facilitator encouraged us to let the baby be when he first starts fussing, to see if he settles back down before we immediately try to feed him. The idea is that they can start learning now to soothe themselves back to sleep, and that will come in really handy later on.

We also talked about the bottle issue, and a lot of other moms have had the same problem or had friends who did, so we got some other suggestions about positioning and nipples. Before we left the center, I picked up some faster flow nipples for Michael to try with Milo tonight, so we'll see if that helps. (fingers crossed).

A bunch of the moms were talking about their husbands signing up for the daddy and baby class starting this Thursday evening, and we thought it would be great if they did it together because then we'd all have couple friends we could go out with WITH our babies. So I'm going to see if Michael might be into it. I've so enjoyed the camaraderie and encouragement of the moms' group, that I really want Michael to have a similar experience. I hope he'll do it.

Milo slept until we got home and got the mail, and then I fed him and we both got a quick nap in before Michael got home and it was time for me to head out with two of my friends that live on campus. We went to a nearby restaurant for drinks and dessert and it was...so very uplifting. We had so much to talk about, and the conversation bounced along easily and happily from subject to subject. They are both such great listeners and offer so much encouragement and advice.  Again, I have to say how wonderful it is to have friends that don't judge me harshly when I tell them I haven't done my dishes for three days and as a result have been using breast pump parts with a slightly greasy film on them. Before I knew it, three hours had passed and I knew if I didn't hurry home, Michael would have to give Milo a bottle. As far as I'm concerned, giving Milo a bottle when it doesn't garner me more sleep is a total waste of a bottle.

We got out of the car and my friend pointed out Milo's shrill cries shattering the peaceful parking lot conversation. sigh.

Luckily it was just hunger and not another episode like last night, he calmed right down when I nursed him and went to bed fairly easily afterward.

What a full and lovely day, overall. Oh--and one of the mom's sent a link to a photographer she used that has decent prices for packages where you get the CD of images. I think I'm going to book one. I feel like I'm cheating on felix (our amazing wedding photographer) and I'd rather use him, but he's as or more expensive and you have to pay extra to get the CD of images. =(

Anyway, tomorrow we have the dorm parent BBQ, and we need to make something for that, so that means a trip to the grocery store...my first with Milo. I also NEED to get the laundry done, as I am out of nursing (clean) nursing pads. I HOPE to gather more stuff for the yard sale and get started on my anniversary vows. (When Michael and I got married, we wrote our own vows, and in them, we vowed to renew them each year in a new place.)  We look at them each year and adjust them for the coming year. They get more realistic each year, and it's kind of amazing to see them change. It's my favorite thing that we do, I think, and each year I put them at the front of our annual kodakgallery photo book. (Though I'm two years behind now). I love having a record of them and how they've changed. This year, since we had to move our anniversary trip, we'll be home for our anniversary so I'm thinking we'll renew our vows in the nursery since technically that's a "new place" for us this year. And Jen offered to babysit so we could go out for our anniversary which is amazing, though I feel a little bad taking her up on it since I don't yet feel ready to offer to return the favor and watch her kids (while dealing with Milo). Hopefully soon I'll be able to. Anyway, I'm thinking we might actually go INTO THE CITY for dinner and then see the Harry Potter movie, which Michael has been wondering how we might get to see together. I think he'll be excited to see that we really can have a night out even with a baby.

Okay, this is officially the longest post ever and I still need to close down our nanny postings and let the other candidates know we've hired someone. Then...SLEEP since it's a busy rest of the week. After the dorm parent BBQ tomorrow, another dorm parent friend is going to accompany Milo and I to this awesome glass exhibit at the Museum of Fine Arts on Thursday (after a three hour meeting at work in the morning). I've been dying to see that exhibit so I'm really excited, even if a bit nervous to go into the city with Milo (and deal with the accompanying traffic and parking and adventure in nursing.) Then, that night is dinner with Erin. Then Friday morning is the stroller strides exercise class with some of the other moms. Then Friday afternoon, our summer arts camp is having a festival of arts stuff that I am thinking I'll take Milo too. Then, we need to get the rest of the yard stuff ready because Sunday is the yard sale and our anniversary. 

Who knew how busy I could feel during maternity leave??