Saturday, January 22, 2011

Navel Gazing

So my words for 2011 are positivity, connection (connected-ness?), and balance. Only I keep forgetting the balance part. I'm doing fairly well on the connection front...I've been filling my calendar with friend dates and making myself more available to connect with students in the dorm (even when they ask to make cookies in my oven at 11:30 pm...opportunity!). I'm definitely making progress on the positivity front, because I've started noting the things I'm grateful for when I'm feeling particularly negative.

But balance. Hmm. Not so much.

On Friday, we had a snow day, and I wound up being on duty in the dorm. I had a plan that I would get admissions work done but also clean the house. While I was on duty. And then I decided to go to a leisurely brunch. And then watch a DVR show. You know--in the name of balance.

Before I knew it, my dorm shift was over and I was somehow exhausted. So I took a nap.

Moral of the story: doing nothing all day is just as un-balanced (and unhealthy) as trying to do everything in a day.

I did, however, manage to just turn the day around by spending hours last night turning our wedding logo into a baby logo. I know, I's kind of disgusting to have a baby logo. Let's not call it that. But I had gotten this baby journal on etsy and there's a photo opening on the front, and it seemed a bit odd to put the ultrasound picture on there. So I thought this would be a fun little project. Maybe I can use it on the announcement or something later. Anyway, I kept some of the elements that represented our engagement ring and the lace from my wedding dress...but I replaced some of the more frilly elements with baby jungle animals, owls, monsters, and robots. I had to add a little blanket for the baby to sit on so he didn't blend into the background. But I have to say, I'm pretty excited about how it came out. yay.

I didn't sleep well last night, so I lingered in bed until after ten trying to feel rested. It didn't work. So I decided to take a bath. I was supposed to go to the gym with a friend, but it didn't work out and I didn't feel motivated enough to go by myself. Eventually, Michael and I decided to go to dinner and a movie. Only, the first two restaurants we tried had a long wait and by the time we finished dinner, we had missed the movie. So it was 8:30 and, other than eating, I had again gotten nothing done today. Michael suggested we do the movie tomorrow instead. Which was a nice idea. Except now I had put off the admissions work, the cleaning, the grocery shopping, etc etc until tomorrow.

So I asked him to help me clean for an hour when we got home. Neither of us wanted to do it, but we did! And we got most of the house done in that hour. And then I printed out the picture for the baby journal and updated the journal. So at least I got something done today. I'm feeling a little more balanced, I guess.

Meanwhile, I keep trying to connect with baby telepathically. And by massaging my stomach. I'm trying to get him to kick. He hasn't kicked yet--at least not that I can tell--and I'm about to start week 21. References online say you start to feel it between 16 and 22 weeks. And I'm sure I'll regret saying so later, when he's constantly kicking me, but I just can't wait! It will be very reassuring to feel him moving and kicking and to know it means he's generally okay in there.

This is normal, right? To be this paranoid with your first pregnancy?

While laying in the bath today, I laid both hands on my stomach, feeling around for the baby, seeing if I could make him move. And then I took my hands away and stared at my belly with great concentration. I talked to the baby. I meditated. I opened one eye in case I could see something I couldn't feel.

Who would have ever imagined such interest in watching my own stomach? Talk about navel gazing...

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