Thursday, February 25, 2010

Is it too late to get a role model?

Well, the reflexology/pedicure was a tad usual, my pedi was ruined before I even got home. Sigh. But Gina and I went to a steakhouse in Brighton we've talked about for a while (yet another Boston excursion for the month, even if she says it doesn't count). We had a really good talk about more psychology and family and identity stuff. It got me really thinking about a lot of things.

One thing that's been with me for a few days is something I read in a magazine a while ago...about how the things we dislike in others are the things we dislike most about ourselves. I think it's really true, and it helps make me aware of the things I'd like to change about myself. But it's easy enough to be aware and pretty hard to make it happen. It also made me think of a few people in my life who I've really admired...many of them share similar characteristics...they are nearly always upbeat and positive and seem to take everything in stride. They are confident, easy-going, and unfazed. By anything. They are the people I'd most like to model myself after, and they have no idea. Would that be a weird card to send? lol. Seriously, though...I am so far from that. I have such a need for outside validation which is just weird to me because I've never had a problem with self-esteem or confidence or anything like that. But my accomplishments often mean little to me until they are recognized by others. And, related to that, I often complain--or just mention nonchalantly--the many things I'm juggling so that others will feel sorry or admire me or lavish praise upon me. Even when I can handle it, I just keep mentioning my plight/hardships/whatever. What a negative nancy. Who wants to hear that crap? It's not impressive. What would be impressive would be doing what I do with a sense of INTERNAL motivation and having that be enough for me. And being positive and uncomplaining all the while.

Anyone have any ideas for working on THAT?! lol.

Well...those are, I think, my worst flaws. Maybe writing them down and going public is the first step. I actually do think this year of resoutions will help. I guess we'll see, won't we?

In any case, it was a good night with my friend Gina. We may have even snuck in a bit of celebratory creme brulee. Though the celebration may also have been a poor excuse to indulge in creme brulee.

I came home and read files, what else? The good news is that I'm actually on top of my own and am helping out colleagues and the greater good of our office now. Which feels good. But so does sleep.

Off I go...

anyone wanna share their flaws??


runningwiththejig said...

I don't want to share my flaws, mostly because I don't have time to itemize them all, BUT your dinner in Brighton in no way counts for Boston adventure. I don't think you should count meals, unless for some reason they are particularly exceptional (OYa for example). Do something like the Isabel Stewart Gardner Museum, or Museum of Science.

Melisa K. said...

hmmm...interesting point about not counting meals. to be fair, i had planned a gospel brunch at the house of blues but it got canceled. I'll try for something grander next month. =)