Friday, July 15, 2011

It happened.

It had to happen eventually, right? This is one of those stories that marks me as an inexperienced first time mom, but I'm going to share it anyway. I warn you--it's super gross, so you may not want to read on.

So far, Milo has yet to pee on me, as we've heard all boys do.  He's peed during diaper changes but so far has only managed to get himself wet. (I can neither confirm or deny allegations that he has managed to pee on his own face, but I will say that peeing during diaper change thing usually happens to daddy, who now makes use of a pee-pee tee-pee, which is apparently more useful than we initially suspected.)

So this is not a pee story.

We were on a schedule this morning. I had to feed Milo and get him changed as close as possible to our target departure time of 10:30. Obviously, that didn't work, so like the zen mother I am, I adjusted my expectations and threw the idea of Target shopping out the window.  The movie was at 11:45, so I needed to leave the house by 11:15. At 11:10, I finished feeding Milo. oops. His diaper was full, so I went to change him before getting him dressed for the day.

I opened his diaper, got him cleaned off, and was holding him up by his ankles while sliding the new diaper underneath him when it happened.  He managed only a minor poop squirt before I clamped the new diaper down. As I held it down, I scanned the local area to see where the flying poop had landed, but I couldn't find it anywhere. I found this slightly discomfiting, but I'm working on embracing the whole zen "let it go" mom thing, so I shrugged and went back to the diaper changing.

I was momentarily torn about whether to continue diapering with the same diaper but figured even though it's a little wasteful, it seemed silly to continue to put on an already dirty diaper when I knew we were headed to the movies for a few hours before I'd hope to change him again. So that diaper went in the garbage and I took out another, which I put on without further incident.

Just as I was snapping the last snap on his cute little onesie, I heard the tell-tale sound again. Seriously, Milo? I looked at him incredulously. I think I saw him smirk at me. But I guess it could have been gas. Sigh. I decided to check it out, since sometimes it sounds worse than it is. But was bad. I'd have to change him again. But I got smarter...I waited a bit while I got the diaper bag ready, and I pushed his legs up a few times to make sure he was done. I put a clean diaper on and went to pick him up to put him in the car seat. It was 11:25 at this point. Oh well...they show 15 minutes of previews, right?

Mid air over the changing table I heard it again, louder than before. I looked at him in disbelief. How can he possibly poop this much after one feeding? He didn't even eat that much!

I laid him back down and opened up the onesie while the little stinker smiled at me innocently. (Or was it a gas smile? We still can't tell.)  Sure enough, another huge one. This one would have been a leaker if I had let it sit, so I guess it's good I caught it before we left the house. But seriously, we are going through an unacceptably alarming number of diapers today.  So I told Milo this was his last one for the morning.

And thankfully, it was.

By the time Michael got home from work, the story seemed funnier to me. Michael thought so too, but then went in search of the lost poop squirts because the idea of lost poop drips hanging around makes us both squeamish. He couldn't find them either though.

One day, when we've forgotten all about this little incident, I'm sure we'll find them.


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