Monday, July 18, 2011

TMI Warning: This post contains (leaking) boobs. Read at your own risk.

Here's a funny story for you, and also a warning for future first time moms. Because this is the kind of stuff they don't tell you about when you're expecting.

Yesterday, I got Milo nice and sleepy and brought his bouncer into the bathroom so I could take a shower. I started the water and went to use the toilet while I waited for the water to get hot (which takes a lot longer now that I'm not sharing it with 29 teenage girls).

All of a sudden, I feel something dripping on me. I look up to find the leak in the ceiling but find nothing. I feel drops on the other side of me and look down to inspect them. Turns out, I am leaking milk. From both sides. For no apparent reason.

But wait. It gets better.

I mop up the spilled milk (haha) with some toilet paper only to find more drips. I turn to get more TP, and notice that there is a thin spray of milk shooting--and I do mean SHOOTING--out of my boob.  It is alarming and also impressive the distance I'm getting here, but none-the-less, I quickly clamp a toilet paper-filled hand over my nipple, stopping the flow.

Only to realize my other boob is also spraying milk. So I clamp my *other* hand over that boob to stop the flow.

I warily take the first hand away to grab more toilet paper to use it for its intended purpose so I can get in the shower.

But the spraying can not be tamed. I clamp my hand back down.

So there I am, sitting on the loo, both hands clamped down over both breasts, and no hands left for wiping.

And suddenly I think, hey, this could be my super power. So I start dreaming up appropriate super hero names. Super Soaker? Super Sprayer? It's a bird, it's a, it's... HOOTER HOSER!!

Because, really, in situations like these, it's pretty critical to have a sense of humor. And besides, given the poop drips hiding someplace in Milo's nursery, what's a little milk spray on the walls? Might as well let it fly and get in the shower before the little bugger wakes up.

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